If the journey to productivity is made by treading down your own path; then taking a leave of absence is not going to do you any favours when it comes to finding your way again. So I write this message to my future self, so that when I finally invent a time machine, I can go back a few weeks and remind myself to keep stabbing away at the rotting corpse of futility.

There was a pigeon in a public garden earlier that didn’t respect the KEEP OFF THE GRASS sign. A bird can claim to be ignorant because it can’t understand English – so we allow it. They get to poop anywhere they please, or anywhere we don’t discourage by arranging tiny little bird bum prickers. If I was in Japan, and there was a sign saying “KEEP OFF THE GRASS”, does that mean as long as I don’t learn the language, I can smoke as much weed as I like? If a blind person was driving the wrong way down a wrong way street, do you think they could get away with it by simply saying that they didn’t see the sign?

Today, I claim ignorance. I claim ignorance for the entire world. Ignore signs. They’re just words made up by another human, as equally as petty and simple minded as yourself. As your attorney, I strongly suggest that you pay attention to the ones with the black and yellow artistic renderings of Doc Brown conducting gigawatts – but all the rest – you can just pretend you’re either Japanese or a pigeon.

Brighton is sunny. Brighton is windy. Brighton is a good place for a walk if you are bored out of your skull. Another good thing to do if you are bored to death is to listen to the 2001 Space Odyssey soundtrack. I love space. Brighton is tight on space but lenient on sky rats. You should live here.